wrestle with God

i would like to start this by saying that I am in awe of God. I "fear" God in the awestruck sense. How can you not? Look at what he's made. Look at this litle seed of faith in me that connects me to an unseen creator... I am obviously in awe of Him.

But what i am about to say may sound unconventional.

I truly believe God wants to pick a fight with some of us!

Before calling the religion police on me... let me explain.

Genesis 32 is a chapter that is tough for a lot of people to explain (including me)
All i know is that a great man of faith (Jacob) was ravaged by fear.
He questioned all the things God had been promising Him for years.
Jacob sent half of his crew to ease the fear... the other half he sent into retreat mode.
Which means... Jacob was alone.
In a piece of scripture that a lot of people have a hard time explaining God came down and physically wrestled with Jacob... i am not sure in what form but i know he battled him in some sense... even came away with a limp ... the limp was like a scar... proof that you got cut!!!!

I have spent many nights like Jacob...swimming in a bottom-less pool of fear.
When i read about God visiting Jacob in his tent to "do battle with Him" ... it gives me chills because God has visited my tent many times and i fought and yelled and screamed at Him!!

"why did this happen?"
"rescue me from these circumstances"
"thats not fair"
"cut down my enemies"
"you said that i am your kid and yet you allow trouble to beat me up"

I finally got the point.

God would rather have me yelling and screaming at Him than have me run away.

I am not the only one that runs to things to ignore a pending clash with God.

Shopping, alcohol, movies, books, excercise, sports, sleep ... we will do what we can to avoid hashing things out with God

The picture that comes to mind is an image of a person beating on God's chest.

While beating on God's chest you are yelling "WHY AM I HURTING AND IN PAIN?"

"WHY WON'T YOU TAKE IT AWAY"

yell, beat on His chest ... in the end your strength and efforts will leave you tired and you will fall against Him and He will wrap you in comfort.

either way... The Creator of the Universe and lover of your soul is so madley in love with you just the way you are that He'd rather have you raise your voice at Him than run away and ignore him.

Like King David hiding in a field yelling to God to slay David's enemies... He was frustrated, angry, and confused but i will end this the same way he did

you are great God... and your love endures forever!